Batteries

A traveling salesman came to my house the other day. He proceeded to tell me he wasn't trying to sell me anything, despite his occupation. He simply needed a place to stay for the night and so far, no one had accepted his request for lodging. I told him to come in and have a seat; he could stay here.

Make yourself comfortable. Mi casa es su casa. Let me take your coat.

His name was Roy.

Roy sold batteries. All sorts of batteries. Any size you could ever want, Roy had. Roy was a scrawny fellow. He barely came to my shoulder. To be completely honest, he looked like a mouse. I liked him though. He had a pleasant way about him, scrawny though he was.

I poured Roy a scotch and we sat and talked for a while. Nothing terribly important came up. At least we didn't talk about batteries.

Then Roy went to bed. He slept on my couch.

The next morning, he was still there. He had made coffee. I didn't even know I had a coffee maker or coffee beans. I hate coffee. But he's reading the paper and drinking his coffee. He asks if I'd like a cup. I tell him no thanks and continue getting ready. He was reading the funnies. He should have been reading the want ads. I supposed he was content with selling batteries.

He asked me if he could stay another night or two.

Of course.

Take your shoes off. Make yourself at home. What's mine is yours.

I came home from the office and his battery van was still parked outside my house. I went in and started to make us some dinner. Sloppy Joes. He was still drinking coffee. I didn't know how much longer I could take the smell of it. We ate. We talked again. Shootin' the breeze. I decided that Roy wasn't a bad guy. Still couldn't figure out for the life of me why he took to selling batteries though. I didn't ask because I didn't feel it was my place.

After dinner we watched a bit of TV and same as the night before, we went to sleep. He slept on my couch.

That routine went on for a couple of days. I didn't mind. My friends seemed to take to him as well. It was nice having him around.

One night I woke up around 2:00 or 3:00 AM. I could hear something coming from the living room. I got up to check on Roy. He was sitting up on the couch with the TV on and he was sobbing. I've never been very good in those types of situations. I typically avoided funerals, tear-jerker movies, and break-ups. There was no escaping this one though. I asked what was wrong. Through the crying and the coughing he sputtered that he'd been a battery salesmen for nearly 4 months and hadn't sold a single unit. Not a pack of double A's. Not a car battery. Not a hearing aid battery. Nothing. He told me that he goes around to strangers begging for a place to stay. He called himself a leech.

A parasite.

He told me that 6 months ago his wife left him and after that he wanted to get out. Travel. Experience new things and make a name for himself. Instead, he was selling batteries. He told me how he lost everything. How he was homeless. How he thought that this battery gig would get him out of the gutter, but now he felt even worse. He told me how he couldn't provide anything for himself. He fed on the generosity of others. He told me how normally, it didn't bother him. He was just doing what it took to get by. But this time was different. I actually cared. I took the time to talk to him. To feed him. He told me that he felt awful. He apologized over and over between the deep intakes of breath and the snotting. I was more than uncomfortable. I just do not deal with crying well. I said that it was fine. I told him that I forgave him and asked if I gave him some money if it would help. I asked if I bought some batteries, be his first customer, would that help.

He just stared at me.

Once he found the words, he said that would be the nicest thing anyone had ever done for him.

I bought half of his supply. I was set for life on batteries. I could power anything.

The next day, Roy was gone and I never saw or heard from him again.

Now maybe Roy scammed me. Maybe he pulled this same stunt with millions of other gullible folks like me. Or maybe Roy was a decent fellow who had fallen on some rough times and just needed a warm couch and to sell some batteries.

But probably not.